Posted on July 2, 2009 - by rfrank

22 steps to adultery

Am I going X-rated on my blog?  I guess so but for a good cause.  I’m convinced more than ever that the devil loves bringing leaders down.  One of the biggest things that will destroy your ministry is sexual sin.  I remember being a senior in high school and the devastation that I experienced when my youth pastor was caught in a sexual affair.

I love my wife! She loves God, loves me, and is the sexiest woman I know.  I’m committed today more than ever to sexual purity.  By God’s grace, I have been faithful to my wife and by His grace I will remain faithful.

Several years ago a guy in my church gave me a stack of papers that he picked up from a counseling conference.  Included in that stack was a sheet with the chain of events that lead to adultery.  I came across those notes this morning and want to paraphrase it for you in 22 steps.

1. You meet someone (the circumstances vary).

2. You grow more and more aware of that particular person.

3. You spend time thinking about that person.

4. There is a series of unplanned, innocent contacts.  This can be in person or electronic (email, Facebook, etc).

5. In your mind, you compare that person to your present husband or wife.

6. You spend time thinking about how unhappy you are.

7. The unplanned, innocent contacts develop into planned, intentional contacts.

8. You find ways to seek the other person out to talk and have conversations.  Again, this can be  online, by email or by text.

9. You realize that you feel good when you’re with the other person.

10. You start comparing.  You compare the way you feel about this person with the way you feel about your spouse.  You compare how the other person treats you compared to how your spouse treats you.

11. You look for ways you can be with the other person for legitimate reasons.

12. There is an exchange of apparently innocent forms of physical affection.

13. Innocent forms of affection quickly turn to embracing and kissing.

14. You experience a struggle with your conscience.

15. The desire to be in contact with each other continues.

16. You engage in actual sexual involvement.

17. You plan frequent covert meetings.

18. You are now living a double life.

19. Others become suspicious and confront you.

20. You are defensive and you deny everything.

21. At some point, the truth rises to the surface (and mark this down: it will).

22. It’s decision time. You have three choices:
a. First, you decide to continue having the affair (or other affairs) and remain married.
b. Second, you make plans to separate and get divorced.
c. You repent and seek help.

After you have read through these steps to adultery, why don’t you pray and ask God to keep you pure and faithful to your spouse?  If you need to repent and get help, don’t want.  Take care of it today.