Ryan Frank

Posts Tagged ‘Funny’

Posted on March 25, 2010 - by rfrank

Top 10 “Famous Last Words” of Well-Meaning Children’s Pastors

10. We don’t have to preview this video; one of the deacons told me it was clean.

9. Just go ahead. It’s easier to beg forgiveness than to obtain permission.

8. The board won’t care.

7. We’ll set a record for this!

6. What does this switch on the soundboard do?

5. I’ve seen this done on TV.

4. I’m sure it’s strong enough to hold both of us.

3. Let’s go ahead and order it, the church will pay for it.

2. I decided we’re not having VBS this year.

1. I don’t care if he is the pastor’s kid…

Check out other great articles and just plain fun stuff at the Cold Water Cafe.

Posted on May 8, 2009 - by rfrank

In Jesus name

Paul Harvey told about a 3-year-old boy who went to the grocery store with his mother. Before they entered the grocery store she said to him, “Now you’re not going to get any chocolate chip cookies, so don’t even ask.” She put him up in the cart and he sat in the little child’s seat while she wheeled down the aisles.

He was doing just fine until they came to the cookie section. He saw the chocolate chip cookies & he stood up in the seat and said, “Mom, can I have some chocolate chip cookies?” She said, “I told you not even to ask. You’re not going to get any at all.” So he sat back down.

They continued down the aisles, but in their search for certain items they ended up back in the cookie aisle. “Mom, can I please have some chocolate chip cookies?” She said, “I told you that you can’t have any. Now sit down and be quiet.”

Finally, they were approaching the checkout lane. The little boy sensed that this may be his last chance. So just before they got to the line, he stood up on the seat of the cart & shouted in his loudest voice, “In the name of Jesus, may I have some chocolate chip cookies?” And everybody round about just laughed. Some even applauded. And, according to Paul Harvey, due to the generosity of the other shoppers, the little boy and his mother left with 23 boxes of chocolate chip cookies.

Posted on May 8, 2009 - by rfrank

The cost of living in the country

I love where I live. I live out in the country about 7 miles from my church and 12 miles from the KidzMatter offices. There are four houses in “my mile” of the road. When we bought this property five years ago to build, I fell in love. The one thing I didn’t consider when I bought the land and built the house? How I would connect to the internet.

There are no good options. I checked into running a T1 line, but that was going to cost me about $600 a month. Ouch. I have begged and begged for AT&T to bring DSL our way. I even offered to pay for them to bring it down our road. They said “no thanks”. So for the past few years, we have had wireless “high speed” (in quotation marks intentionally) internet from a local internet provider. To call it high speed is a stretch. At it’s best, it functions at the speed of dial up. During busy times (evenings especially) it goes dead.

We finally decided that enough is enough. We’ve seen the HughesNet commercials on our Dish and I made the call. They came today to do the install and I’m happy to tell you that my internet is running pretty fast (that’s relative I know). But guess what, it looks like I am trying to contact the moon with the satellite! It’s huge! Just look at the picture! This means that now I have three ugly satellite dishes on my house (Dish TV, Hughes Net, and my other internet dish). Do I qualify as a geek?